To what extent do our expectations dictate our experience? Can we ever truly free ourselves to accept what comes our way, or are we forever caught up in our own expectations?
Trudging to the MRT last night, I felt weighed down in body and spirit. I ate too much again, still unable to grapple with the timing of food given that I now practice yoga from 7-10 PM every other night (intensive training program). I find myself having lunch around 11 as usual, and then eating dinner around 4. This makes me feel both bloated and remotely like my grandmother, whom I have memories of eating 4 o’clock dinners with. According to her, when you woke up at 4 in the morning and had breakfast by 5, you were ready for dinner and bed by 6 PM.
Decidely not yet in geriatric condition, this eating schedule has not jived particularly well with my normal life. So, swollen from too much food, I headed off to yoga also feeling heavy in mind. I was dreading this practice. Last session had involved my utter failure as a yogi in forearm stand. I was a demonstration for the class – of course in the one pose I have absolutely no remote grasp of. And while I rather consciously know that there is “no failure in yoga,” try telling that to yourself when you are collapsing on your face in front of your fellow classmates.
So I was dreading a class full of postures I could not do, energy needed that I did not have, and an open mind that I was not in possession of.
I don’t know if S read my thoughts last night, but the practice was gentle, breath-focused, and restorative. No crazy poses, just the ease of breathing deeply into a few postures. His class put me at ease and all my negative energy started to float away.
But what would have happened if the practice had not been gentle? Would I have been fighting it the whole time? How can we learn to release that negative energy, even without a positive outcome? What if we let go completely of the idea of any sort of outcome?
3 Comments
May 21, 2009 at 8:50 pm
As a veteran of collapsing-on-my-face-(especially-from-forearm-stand)-laughing-hysterically-in-front-of-yoga-classes, I can assure you that it is an entirely healthy and wonderful thing to do. Just tuck and roll, and smile and laugh.
(Miss you!!!)
June 2, 2009 at 11:54 am
nellie! ok, fill me in. does all yoga require headstands and forearm stands and the like? i cannot do any of them to save my life, and instead of being just-out-of-reach challenging, it makes me hate whoever is teaching the class with their zenlike calm whilst i am about to fall on my face. Is it a tall girl thing?
July 7, 2009 at 6:41 am
“How can we learn to release that negative energy, even without a positive outcome?”
By opening up your mind and realizing than even without a positive immediate outcome, we learn from each task we do. So each time you begin something, even if you know you may not succeed, release your negative energy because it will only be a roadblock on your inevitable success!
“What if we let go completely of the idea of any sort of outcome?” Outcomes push us to be successful. If we were to forget that there is an end result than we may not strive to do anything.
ooh and by the way…MISS YOU!!